Not long ago, a friend called up and during our conversation, she mentioned that her 10 year old son had been acting weirdly since the past couple of months. He would bang doors, answer back, refuse to go to school and pick up fights with other kids. I was shocked to hear such remarks about the kid who was, a few months ago, really cheerful.
“How are things between you and your husband?” I asked.
“Not really well, it seems like we’re in a constant battle,” came the answer and we both knew we had stumbled upon the reason why the child was in a constant stress.
Parents often want the best for their children and continuously look for ways to make their life more enriching, joyful and healthy. However, when a child is born, the responsibilities increase so much that the relationship of a husband and wife bears its brunt. In little time, the relationship goes from fabulous to stale and then sour. A wife feels overworked while the husband, tired.
Children who grow up watching their parents engage in abusive fights which often includes name calling, shouting, yelling, hitting as well as ‘the silent treatment’, become insecure, afraid and aggressive later on. And this is just the beginning; they are more prone to engage in unsocial behavior, drug abuse and violent relationships. Failing at school, poor adjustment to changes and depression often follow.
On the flip side, parents who are well balanced in their relationship, fight fair, apologize for their mistakes and are affectionate to each other, raise a stable, emotionally secure child.
Often, parents complain that they cannot control the urge to fight and honestly, there are many reasons in every relationship which are like seeds of anger, waiting to sprout at the right time. So, the emphasis is not on whether you should fight or resist the urge, but on how to fight fair. Children who see their parents respect each other through differences, learn probably the most important lesson of their lives – ‘It is okay to disagree.’
Some more things which you might be overlooking:
- If your kids see you fighting, let them see you make up as well. Try to apologize in front of them so they value these qualities.
- Spend quality time with your spouse. Even if the budgets are dwindling, the stresses are high and the work pressure insurmountable, let it not affect your relationship with your spouse. Spend every ounce of your energy to make it better.
- Have a family time (dinner is probably most convenient) and talk about each other’s day. This can also be a time when you discuss problems with your children or explain why you both disagreed. Often, parents think that children should be kept away from problems. Children who do not know why their parents are in a stress feel more helpless and frustrated
Have you done something special for your spouse lately? Share with us your tips and tricks to make marriages more secure and happy.